I feel like I’ve been working on this one forever! I just took a writing class with Janisse Ray, primarily, because when I read her books I feel like I’m there. She’s so good at showing versus telling. One of the things she talked about was “writing scenes“. That really helped me get clarity around showing, because showing is writing a scene in the movie. In the movie you might handle telling by one person in the movie telling someone else the story at the coffee shop. Anyway, this really helped me clarify the difference between the two. And of course there are times you have to tell, otherwise, we might have books that are 60 70,80 100,000 pages long. 
The example you gave: “It was cold outside” to “London winter made no effort to find friends” spoke volumes to me about bringing an emotion to life. It seems changing from telling to showing is not about changing a word but coming from a whole different angle - one that is more alive and layered.
So much easier to tell…sigh. Also leaving the reader wondering is a great thing to keep in mind.
I'm reading a John Updike at the moment... and finding SO many examples of fruitful 'telling.' Reading works like that.
And you're right--there's the mechanical, and the emotional. Sometimes the first can break open a path. Or you drive into the emotional piece and don't realize how the story is evolving to show.
This is not all thought through all the time. (That would be exhausting.) But the more awareness you work toward, the more likely it is to occur. From nowhere seemingly--another overnight success!
So glad to add this to my list of articles to share with my students and coaching clients. I think of all the questions I get in teaching the art and craft of writing, showing/telling is probably the most frequent, and the hardest for many to grasp. I also do similar exercises to your highlighter exercise, and believe strongly in the importance of reading like a writer.
Always grateful for another resource or angle in. Thank you!
I like the highlighting exercise. I have tried this before but definitely will do. Show versus tell is always a challenge, which I find to be very pertinent to picture book writing. It’s shorter to tell, and so easier to fall into that trap. However, showing can be powerful and can draw young readers in. I think you often (not always) need both. Finding just the right measure of showing versus telling is the tricky part; especially since it is never quite the same from one piece of writing to the next.
Yes, the PB challenge, when we're trying for lowest possible word count... so enticing. Then those moments when we show... and the word count is not so different! A sort of deeply internal writerly click o' the heels then!
Thanks for this delve into a seemingly confused area for us "newbie" authors. I worry about using too much showing with Middle grade/YA stuff and I am fascinated by well known authors who seem to use a lot more telling than showing. Looking forward to part 2!
If it's helpful, post a few examples here... sentences you're wondering about. Or consider a 1200 or less word excerpt to post in the "Scene" workshop (in which case, you need to email it to me to post for you --
I am going through at the moment highlighting obvious "felts" etc. These from the first few chapters (not consecutively I hasten to add) jumped out:
"His head was spinning from everything that had happened."
"Liam felt confused - to say the least."
"Liam felt a certain panic rise up in his chest"
"Coming almost simultaneously was an overwhelming feeling that seemed to grab him by the back of the neck and reverberate down to his chest. His anxiety levels shot up as if they weren’t already high. "
Interesting to see a collection...as you set out here. The first thought that comes to mind is the summarizing quality... as if these sentences are most likely to be the conclusion to others.
I find often a telling-statement concludes in this manner (often a paragraph) when in fact, we've already done the hard work of showing in the words preceding. And as a result, can be cut. But that might not be the case. (Tough to say without context.)
And sometimes you do need a "conclusion!" Just be aware of how far you have to go with it.
For instance, with the first e.g., if it is freshly in the reader's mind "what has happened" then you might leave off with "his head was spinning." And yes, that's telling, but the pacing might be right for it. (I'll be sharing this idea in Part II of this piece.) Or you might find another way to evoke "spinning." "Head spinning" is a well-used phrasing. Sometimes the combo of 'telling' with a cliche phrase is not the best choice. We throw it in as a place-holder on first drafts, but on second, can come back and re-vision. What is happening when our heads are "spinning?" What is the sensation? What is the result?
#2 here is an interesting e.g. Yes, "Liam felt confused" is telling, but in an odd way, the next part does push the reader to consider--however fleetingly!--what might be "the most!" It does leave it with some opening. Again, if it has some "showing" in proximity, this piece might be the right balance...
#3 ah... can you give us something about the "certain panic"? Can you even give us "panic" without that word? Is is rising? what is the rising like? Again, is this something the reader might already be understanding from what has come before or after? So often, we place telling in the midst of showing, and under-cut our hard work!
#4 The first bit seems a bit wordy, to get to the point of being overcome by this sensation. (Interesting question: do you want the wordiness and combinations to, in themselves, create a sense of "overwhelming"? Which I can see with this, yes, and would be good reason to keep. OR do you want the "simultaneously" evoked by quickly moving to what is happening? Always there's not just "words" but their cumulative effects to consider.) I do so like the description of the sensation itself. You might move quickly to that. Again, consider what is new info for the reader, what they already know, what is building... do they know his anxiety is already high? Do they need only the word "higher?"
Maybe others here will offer feedback or thoughts on my thoughts! Disagreement even, or other approaches. This sharing has added to the post--thank you!
Thanks that's helpful. It's difficult to go over some of this after leaving it a long time and seeing my writing style has changed but these early phrases popped out as being too telling!
I feel like I’ve been working on this one forever! I just took a writing class with Janisse Ray, primarily, because when I read her books I feel like I’m there. She’s so good at showing versus telling. One of the things she talked about was “writing scenes“. That really helped me get clarity around showing, because showing is writing a scene in the movie. In the movie you might handle telling by one person in the movie telling someone else the story at the coffee shop. Anyway, this really helped me clarify the difference between the two. And of course there are times you have to tell, otherwise, we might have books that are 60 70,80 100,000 pages long. 
That is so true... I'll delve into that in the "telling." Not to mention losing the reader along the 100,000-word way with the detail.
My post on "scene" from 2021... https://unschoolforwriters.substack.com/p/creating-scene
This work does require diligence. A good approach--to study the work of a writer (and with!)
Thanks, Karen!
BTW Karen, I just added your "Rick James" to the "Power of Three" post--at the end. Thank you for permission to do so!
https://unschoolforwriters.substack.com/p/the-power-of-three
Great, thanks!
Great info here, Alison. Thanks. Always a tricky one.
The example you gave: “It was cold outside” to “London winter made no effort to find friends” spoke volumes to me about bringing an emotion to life. It seems changing from telling to showing is not about changing a word but coming from a whole different angle - one that is more alive and layered.
So much easier to tell…sigh. Also leaving the reader wondering is a great thing to keep in mind.
Examples illuminate.
I'm reading a John Updike at the moment... and finding SO many examples of fruitful 'telling.' Reading works like that.
And you're right--there's the mechanical, and the emotional. Sometimes the first can break open a path. Or you drive into the emotional piece and don't realize how the story is evolving to show.
This is not all thought through all the time. (That would be exhausting.) But the more awareness you work toward, the more likely it is to occur. From nowhere seemingly--another overnight success!
So glad to add this to my list of articles to share with my students and coaching clients. I think of all the questions I get in teaching the art and craft of writing, showing/telling is probably the most frequent, and the hardest for many to grasp. I also do similar exercises to your highlighter exercise, and believe strongly in the importance of reading like a writer.
Always grateful for another resource or angle in. Thank you!
I've approached it from other ways, and yes, it is still frequent. Always up for a new study lens. Thank you, Jeanette. And welcome here!
Ooh, Alison,
I like the highlighting exercise. I have tried this before but definitely will do. Show versus tell is always a challenge, which I find to be very pertinent to picture book writing. It’s shorter to tell, and so easier to fall into that trap. However, showing can be powerful and can draw young readers in. I think you often (not always) need both. Finding just the right measure of showing versus telling is the tricky part; especially since it is never quite the same from one piece of writing to the next.
Thanks. I always learn something new here.
Yes, the PB challenge, when we're trying for lowest possible word count... so enticing. Then those moments when we show... and the word count is not so different! A sort of deeply internal writerly click o' the heels then!
So glad you are here--thank you--
Thanks for this delve into a seemingly confused area for us "newbie" authors. I worry about using too much showing with Middle grade/YA stuff and I am fascinated by well known authors who seem to use a lot more telling than showing. Looking forward to part 2!
Nick, if you feel like sharing a bit of your MG/YA showing... it'd be good to see. We could have some discussion.
Well it would be timely as going through Draft 8 weeding out a lot of telling. Am I brave enough though??? :-)
If it's helpful, post a few examples here... sentences you're wondering about. Or consider a 1200 or less word excerpt to post in the "Scene" workshop (in which case, you need to email it to me to post for you --
alison@alisonacheson.com
This post was so helpful! Thank you Alison!
I am going through at the moment highlighting obvious "felts" etc. These from the first few chapters (not consecutively I hasten to add) jumped out:
"His head was spinning from everything that had happened."
"Liam felt confused - to say the least."
"Liam felt a certain panic rise up in his chest"
"Coming almost simultaneously was an overwhelming feeling that seemed to grab him by the back of the neck and reverberate down to his chest. His anxiety levels shot up as if they weren’t already high. "
Thanks
Thanks for sharing these snippets, Nick.
Interesting to see a collection...as you set out here. The first thought that comes to mind is the summarizing quality... as if these sentences are most likely to be the conclusion to others.
I find often a telling-statement concludes in this manner (often a paragraph) when in fact, we've already done the hard work of showing in the words preceding. And as a result, can be cut. But that might not be the case. (Tough to say without context.)
And sometimes you do need a "conclusion!" Just be aware of how far you have to go with it.
For instance, with the first e.g., if it is freshly in the reader's mind "what has happened" then you might leave off with "his head was spinning." And yes, that's telling, but the pacing might be right for it. (I'll be sharing this idea in Part II of this piece.) Or you might find another way to evoke "spinning." "Head spinning" is a well-used phrasing. Sometimes the combo of 'telling' with a cliche phrase is not the best choice. We throw it in as a place-holder on first drafts, but on second, can come back and re-vision. What is happening when our heads are "spinning?" What is the sensation? What is the result?
#2 here is an interesting e.g. Yes, "Liam felt confused" is telling, but in an odd way, the next part does push the reader to consider--however fleetingly!--what might be "the most!" It does leave it with some opening. Again, if it has some "showing" in proximity, this piece might be the right balance...
#3 ah... can you give us something about the "certain panic"? Can you even give us "panic" without that word? Is is rising? what is the rising like? Again, is this something the reader might already be understanding from what has come before or after? So often, we place telling in the midst of showing, and under-cut our hard work!
#4 The first bit seems a bit wordy, to get to the point of being overcome by this sensation. (Interesting question: do you want the wordiness and combinations to, in themselves, create a sense of "overwhelming"? Which I can see with this, yes, and would be good reason to keep. OR do you want the "simultaneously" evoked by quickly moving to what is happening? Always there's not just "words" but their cumulative effects to consider.) I do so like the description of the sensation itself. You might move quickly to that. Again, consider what is new info for the reader, what they already know, what is building... do they know his anxiety is already high? Do they need only the word "higher?"
Maybe others here will offer feedback or thoughts on my thoughts! Disagreement even, or other approaches. This sharing has added to the post--thank you!
Thanks that's helpful. It's difficult to go over some of this after leaving it a long time and seeing my writing style has changed but these early phrases popped out as being too telling!